12 things that people do who sort it out: they let children be children

They set up both houses with all of the things that the children need, two sets of school uniforms, two sets of casual clothes, shoes, sporting equipment, underwear and toothbrushes etc. Yes, it may be expensive to invest in doubles but the peace of mind and evaporation of stress that results from this simple act is priceless, for both the children and the parents.

They find a way to communicate that does not involve the children. They never use the children to pass on messages or question them for details about the other parent’s life.

They encourage their children to speak with the other parent and actively foster the relationship. Children are often underestimated by their parents and are very aware of what is unfolding around them. Children try to keep their parents happy and often feel that they are caught in the middle. Parents who actively support their children to have a strong relationship with the other parent are the ones that are able to sort it out.

They find a way to actively engage in their children’s lives, they consider the children’s schedule and then find ways to tweak their work schedule and personal life so that time spent with the children is not a negotiation but rather develops more organically around the children’s schedule.

The families who focus on the children and then work back to the parent’s work commitments are the ones that are able to find creative ways to co-parent. Maybe it's one parent leaving work early on the sports training afternoon, grabbing dinner together and then taking the child back to the other parent with the focus being on what works for the child.

Importantly, the parents who sort it out are those that do the emotional healing work they need to do so that they can see the other parent in public and greet them with a smile and a hello, letting the children get back to the business of having fun and feeling joy.